thanks for reading!

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 05:49:18 GMT

I need this world- there is so little I do for myself, at least I can do this.
My heart stopped when I read about lovely_bones. Why did it have to happen? Could anyone have saved her? Maybe all those girls saved her every day that she lived.
I am 5'4'' and 120 lbs. Just this week my weight sky-rocketed. I recently started taking 300 mg of Seroquel, could that have affected my weight as drastically as it did? I gained 3 lbs in 1 week. Ugh.
Just a week ago I was 117 lbs. and on only 200 mg. of this horrible medicine.
I am considering stopping it on my own. I don't want to be tied down to this drug- I want to be myself.
It seems like everything in my life has been put on hold. I've failed at everything. I want to move out with my boyfriend and maybe get married- isn't 4 years enough? I don't know if there is any more of myself I can give to him- I have nothing left.
I want to start college- but 2 failed semesters is enough to make anyone a non-believer.
I want to believe in SOMETHING but I question EVERYTHING.
I want to get more tattoos. My body is a temple, and I want to color everything in it.
If my body is such a temple, what am I doing consuming those horrible things?
I submitted an application to the proana community- please, please accept me- I need someone to talk to about this.
Tonight: first night I am not taking my medicine.
Tonight: the last night I am consuming as many calories as I have.
Tomorrow morning I am throwing away those hidden bags of peanut butter m&ms and Take 5 sitting on my dresser.
Tomorrow morning I am waking up and going to the mall. I love to window shop!
Tomorrow I am going through my clothes and throwing out anything I no longer wear.
Tmorrow is a new day, and with that I will succeed.

fairmaiden20

thanks for reading!